It's the new sofa called "Haley" by La-Z-Boy. We are currently awaiting it since they special ordered it in this really odd teal-ish/forest green color. The color is besides the point...its their sofa, so I really don't care how it looks.
However, since my grandparents already have their La-Z-boy recliners, they will not be the ones occupying the sofa with their bums. Their bums already have homes. Lar's and Mine however, do not. So the only seating available in the house for us will be on this new couch and it's friend (the matching ottoman). Cool that we get the fun, new stuff, right?
WRONG!
Nope....ever since the stupid thing was ordered, at every opportunity she gets, my Grammy seems to be telling what things Lar and I will not be allowed to do on the new couch. Now before you start thinking dirty things, get it out of your head! She hasn't even gone there, and neither will we....no worries. Now, I understand it's their first piece of new furniture in probably 15-20 years, but that doesn't mean they should be treating me like an irresponsible 10 year old child. Or even like I have the intention of "ruining" their precious couch.
My mom has always raised me that people are more important than things. So below is a list, things that Grammy has verbally been giving me since we ordered the damn thing that Lar and I are not allowed to do (along with my side notes)....
1. No eating or drinking on the new couch and ottoman
Now this would be fine if the kitchen table wasn't constantly littered with cats. Also...everyone has eaten in the living room for years since my grandparents really don't have the space like they used to, to accommodate meals in the kitchen(if we were brave enough with all those damn cats....ew) or even in the dining room.(my Grampy has since put a huge organ that he plays daily in the dining room and there isn't space now. And lastly, we don't spill like they do. We are a lot cleaner and more coordinated....so what's the big hairy deal?
2. No wrestling or rough housing on the new couch
What, are we 5? Besides the small occasional ticklefest which doesn't result in mass destruction of anything, why would we thrash about and jump like monkeys? For the last time, we aren't going to break the couch!!!! Honestly we really don't even feel like sitting on the damn thing now!
3.Proper sitting on the couch only! There will be no relaxing, laying down and putting our feet up on anything.
And yes, before you ask, she means even with no shoes (we don't even do that with the crappy old couches) And really...what the crap are couches for? Sitting with our knees bent at a 90 degree angle with our back straight up and down? Apparently.
4. There will be no nap taking on the new furniture!
No, I'm not joking. I was actually told that. Lar and I have enjoyed some naps on the old couch. In fact, I used to come over for lunch a lot when I was in college, when I wasn't living with them. I'd eat and usually end up taking a 30 min siesta. It was always a nice jump start to the rest of my day. Lar has enjoyed coming home from work, taking his shoes off, kicking back and "resting his eyes" after a long day at school and work. Guess those days are gone.
5. The couch will not be used as a temporary storage facility for shoes.
so yes, we are guilty of kicking off our shoes when we get in the living room and kicking back. But seriously? There isn't a shoe rack or mat on the inside of the door to place our shoes. Old people trip a lot cuz they don't have the mobility to raise their feet high enough to get around things or move side to side around them. Plus as i mentioned in another previous blog just a couple days ago, Grampy rides a scooter around. Lar had his shoe eaten by it once when Grampy ran it over. It snapped his lace in half. So we always make sure our shoes are out of the way. What better place out of the way than either underneath (if they fit) or beside the couch between it and the wall? I always thought i was being helpful by keeping them out of the way. Apparently "helpful" now will require that I take my shoes off up in my room and then come sit down for comfort. If I should need my shoes again soon, too bad. I will have to go up to my room to put them on again. I guess part of that is me being lazy. I think it's also a bit ridiculous to actually not allow me to store my shoes downstairs even temporarily. And to actually have the nerve to say that to us! AGH!
I'm sure there are more "rules" we have been given than those above but I'm really wound up thinking about all of this and can't seem to think of anymore. I think more than anything it's the constant side notes Grammy says to me on "I hope you don't think you're going to do that on the NEW couch."
Yes, Grammy. I have every intention of spilling grape juice and spaghetti sauce and all other things that leave bad stains. I have no plan on trying to be careful of the new couch. I plan on ruining the whole brand new set the first week.
Come on. Who plans on that? And furthermore, I respect their stuff, I will treat it as my own. Me saying that should be enough to reassure her. Its not. And it would be different if they sat us down with their concerns one time and explained things in a nice manor . BUT every single day she has to say something, snotty, like I have every intention. If they want to sit on it, fine, but they have their chairs we arent supposed to sit in. So what are we supposed to do?
Lar makes jokes that we will just go buy some blow up furniture and not use theirs. I'm sure the stupid cats would find a way to poke holes in that though a lot faster than Lar and I would ever ruin their stupid couch. If anything they should be concerned about the cats ruining their new couch first. One of the cats has torn the end off the old one. And EVIL sammy has his crappy long fur all over the other furniture, making it hard to clean it off and make it look nice. How do they not even care about that with their new furniture and instead don't mind making Lar and I feel unwelcome and risk hurting our feelings?
AM I the the only one who thinks this is completely selfish and illogical?
I WANT A JOB. MY OWN APARTMENT. MY OWN LIFE.
2 comments:
I remember when my parents got new furniture and had all those rules for us too. They lasted about a week until my dad spilled something on the new sofa himself. They will lighten up after a while and all the newness has worn off.
oh gosh, i will send up prayers for you to find a job. i can see how you must really be going out of your mind and i totally feel for you!!
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